What swimming lessons have to do with sleep
Hey there friends! How are you doing today?
My son started swimming lessons a couple weeks ago, and I wanted to share about it because it's been an interesting experience for us both and also reflective of how we often approach sleep with our little ones.
My little guy is highly sensitive and has had a hard time with baths and showers his whole life. He doesn't like getting his hair and ears wet, and this has been quite the process to get him comfortable doing so over the years. He's also slow to warm to new people. But, he's 3, and I've been really wanting him to get more comfortable in the water.
I was hesitant to even consider swimming lessons because I knew it would be really hard for him. But then I remembered, when we do hard things in the comfort and support of our loved ones, it fosters resilience!!
I didn't want to just throw him in the water with a complete stranger (two triggers at once!) and for it to be a traumatizing experience for him. But I did want to learn how to help him in the water, to support him through a new challenge, and to be a loving part of his scary experience.
So I decided to try a private one to one swim lesson, once a week. The first week he was VERY hesitant, he cried, he asked for milkies a lot and to be done the entire time (15 minutes). He had to start with a 30 second cleansing shower and I knew that was going to be his first trigger. I let him turn on the faucet and that was enough to help distract him a bit. Then I sat on the side of the pool with him with my feet in the water and supported his feelings about his experience. I know this is hard for you. We're doing something new today. You have a new teacher. Milkies are not available right now, but I'm going to sit here with you as long as you need me to. He sat on the first step with his bum in the water and that was his success of the first lesson.
His teacher said to me, I will follow your lead on how much you want me to push him. I appreciated that so much, and told her I wanted it to be very gentle and respectful of his fears. She was so wonderful! The second lesson he showered easily and was slightly hesitant but was easily encouraged to hop into the water onto the first step, and he ended up sitting on the second step this time, another success that he was very proud of!
I share this because often with our baby's sleep, we have expectations. We want them to do what the other kids are doing. We expect them to make progress faster, or we get impatient. But, we really need to follow our child's lead when making changes to sleep, and consider their unique temperaments. What feels like a nudge to one child may feel like a push to another. And also, to celebrate every small success!! Focus on YOUR child and try not to compare to what other kids are doing. I know, it's not that easy.
We often forget about the right now because of our fear of the unknown future. Like, if I support her to sleep this way, it's ALWAYS going to be like this. But it just isn't true. After that first swimming lesson, I went on a bit of tailspin with thoughts like, why is he so sensitive, is it somehow my fault? Have I coddled him too much? I really spent some time reframing to he is sensitive, and he's doing a really hard thing! I'm grateful to be his safe space to help him through this at his own pace.
I hope you can reframe your own thoughts if you're feeling like how your baby is sleeping is somehow your fault, or you're afraid to comfort them in a certain way because of it becoming a habit.
If you can change to this is what my baby needs right now, and we can always make a change if and when we need to.
Baby sleep is so incredibly varied from baby to baby and for the first 3-5 years of life. It is not a reflection of your parenting. You are the best bet for your child. You know them best. You know how to comfort them. You understand their unique temperament. They indeed need at least one person who understands them and supports them in exactly who they are.
You are exactly what your child needs.